Real friends are hard to come by…

But ducks are “real.” You know what to expect from these darlingly goofy gangs.  Either you have bread,  and a few new friends… Or you don’t.  There’s no second guessing your relationship. 

I Wonder If Wishes Sometimes Come True?

Do wishes come true? I wish for my children’s health every night. I don’t see any stars to wish upon in the smog-infested California sky, but i’m hopeful. I pray to God, and hope he or she isn’t too busy to hear, or at least an angel passes along the whispers of my desperate pleas.

Recently I’ve had my own health scares and my thoughts have been focused on what if’s: What if my children do in fact live long and healthy lives- without me. Will I be up high on a cloud in the sky watching intently the reality show I helped to create…literally?

I never wished for children growing up as a little girl. I was never around other younger siblings or cousins to begin to know what to do around a baby. I didn’t make money babysitting or ever thought about it. When the news came after my now husband and I had been living together for five years, we both accepted our new lives- and found the missing pieces of our life. Piece by piece, everything we missed out on as children, we made sure to give to our children. My future is so firmly planted in theirs I plan on moving to Santa Cruz to live on the beach when the kids get accepted into nearby Stanford ten years from now.

The thought that maybe I won’t be around brings me to my knees to beg, to pray, to look for a star to wish upon in the smoggy sky above in hopes someone makes my wish come true.

Happy

I think I HAVE been this happy. I have eaten McDonald’s french fries and thought so. Now I know better than to eat at McDonald’s, of course. It doesn’t mean I can’t be happy eating carrot sticks. Cause in my head, they are really, super healthy, greasy fried fries and the chemicals don’t cause cancer. I’m happy, i’m happy, i’m happy. (Keep telling myself until I believe it.)

Meditate On This

This morning I woke up thinking about an incident from the day before. It goes without saying that most days I am far too busy in the hustle and bustle trying to get the day started, going, continued and finished to ever think about the day before. Who has the time?! I barely have time to shave my legs in the shower–okay, i’m just lazy there. forget that point. Anyways, it has been a goal of mine for awhile now to just be able to meditate, or clear my head enough so I don’t feel frazzled and don’t need to write down every little thing I need to do in order to take the time to do it, (Go to the “potty” @noon?—Ugh!) So maybe thinking about an incident the day before means I am making progress in my day-to-day struggle to relax a bit. Baby steps. I mean, I took the time. I certainly didn’t get up earlier than normal to make extra time. Who knew pondering my eight year old son’s annoying and gross nose-picking habit would be so enlightening.